This is an article my husband wrote recently. Before reading this let me just give you some background into this article. When we both got married, we were Christians, born again believers. We loved the Lord and wanted to establish a godly marriage and home. In the years that followed, as we started rubbing against the nature of our selfishness, love and forgiveness became increasingly difficult. After ten years of marriage, 5 pregnancies, 4 births, 1 death, 1 loss, 3 surviving children, we have come a long way from where we started. All the difficulties forced us to look to God and cling to each other.
I do not mean we hated each other. Okay…maybe for not more than couple of hours until the heat of the argument vanished. We always believed in making it work out and looking to God for wisdom to solve the problems that came our way.
I learned to submit to my husband in love and he learned to love me by dying daily, like Jesus does his bride. When I say learned, I mean we have begun to maybe understand a fraction( not even put it into practice consistently) of what it is to live like this. There is still a lot of imperfection. But I am thankful for this marriage and how it is changing us.
So, here it is…..Introducing the guest blogger (drum roll please….) Thomas Cherian.
Covenant Love : Ten Commandments for the Husband
1). Your marriage is the second most important relationship you have in this life second only to your relationship with your Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. Our heavenly Father could find no greater parallel or lofty example to compare His relationship to His Church than that between a husband & his wife . So let us give the same value & seriousness to this relationship with our wives. ” Marriage is a covenant relationship wherein the spouses would rather die than break the relationship”.
2). Your wife is the most important person in your life next to the Lord Jesus Christ. You need to let her know that on a regular basis. She needs to be assured of this truth. Believe me! this will do wonders for your marriage. Be intentional, vocal & public about this. Take time to invest in this most important person in your life.
3). Your wife should also be your best friend – not your present buddies or buddies from college/school. She needs to be assured of this truth also. Take time on a regular basis to share your heart with this best friend & listen to hers also.
4). In New Testament living, both husband & wife are considered equal & valuable in God’s eyes. Your wife should never be looked down upon as inferior but respected. Both of you will go to the same heaven by means of the same blood that was shed for both of you. God is not a respecter of sexes or partial.
5). Marriage is a very lofty concept because it arose in the heart of a great & mighty God. In marriage the husband is not above or superior to the wife in any way. God has given very specific roles to each that only they can perform in a way that is pleasing to God. When these roles are reversed, confusion ensues & God’s purposes for that marriage is not fulfilled.
6). God has called the husband to “lead in love” & for the wife to “submit in respect”. This cycle of “Love & Respect” is a cardinal truth in marriage. If you do not love, she will find it difficult to respect you. In the same way, if she does not respect you, you will not be able to love her. It is a vicious cycle & keep yourself from getting entangled in it!. As husband you should take the initiative to break it when it happens.
7). Your approach to your wife & how you deal with her should be modeled from the way Jesus(Bridegroom) deals with His church (bride) & that is one of loving her unconditionally. She feels secure in your friendship & unconditional love & this releases her to fulfill her role in marriage & the calling in her life. Imagine the power & influence you wield in your wife’s spiritual maturity! Don’t take it lightly. God will hold you accountable.
8). Leading involves giving spiritual leadership & direction to the family. She longs & yearns this from you. You have to be spiritually mature & a godly role-model to lead. Be intentional in your efforts to become spiritually mature. She will adore & admire you in this spiritual state. One of the tragedies in the garden of Eden was the “passivity” of Adam that also played a role in the fall of man. Husband BEWARE of passivity in your life! Passivity is the opposite of leading. When you do not lead, your wife is forced to step in & confusion follows from role reversal.
9). God has asked us in the scriptures to “leave” our parents & “cleave ” to our wife. This has to be understood in a balance. You should never neglect your parents but they should realize that your wife is the most important person in your life now & decisions regarding your family will be made jointly with your wife. Your wife should never be subjected to “dual headship”. This will destroy her & you will be held accountable. God has called you individually as man & woman as well as collectively as a family to fulfill a higher purpose. The choice lies with you whether you just flow through life as a married couple without realizing that or rise up to fulfill that God-ordained purpose for your marriage.
10). Last but not the least, as men we approach the matter of sex physically but our wives are not wired like that at all. They need to be emotionally romanticized before their physical needs can be met. This takes lot of effort, time & planning but it is well worth it. This might be difficult to understand as men but we should respect them for the way they were created. God never makes mistakes!