It was first day of school. Among many things new that day was also my new canvas shoes. I had a real BIG fetish for shoes back then. The new pair of canvas shoe did complete my prim look for school. Was I ever so flattered!
Not for too long though…
Schools in India starts with the onset of monsoon season in June. Rains are not pretty for muddy Indian roads any day, talk about the first day of school! Soon my pretty shoes got the icky-gooey mud on it and everywhere I went, I carried the icky-gooey-sticky stuff. My new pair of beautiful canvas shoe had turned sticky! I could not help it. Not at least until I reached home and ran my shoes under some warm soapy water.
After Two Decades
Fast forward 20 some years, I still have issues with “sticky-icky’s.” My fetish for shoes are gone. This time, it is the stickiness of my soul that wearies me. In my growth as a Christian, my soul has gotten stuck to many ambitions and desires, outside of the will of God for me. They range from a doctoral degree from USC (ahem!) to a Super Mom. And oh, in between all these are the daily coveting of being a successful writer, being able to afford that “one last thing”, gaining a firm tummy (make it the airbrushed-super model style!), being the best friend and counselor who everyone would want to be with.
By itself, they are all good ambitions. That is the problem, they are good, for someone God has called them for, not for me, at least in this season (Certainly not the doctoral degree and the firm abdomen :),goodbye dieting! ). What happens is, my sticky-soul is never content where God wants it to be. It gets stuck at the various desires of my heart. Every desire in my mind conceives a visual imagery, with an achievable agenda of that, and my soul gets stuck to that.
What is wrong if my soul gets stuck?
The problem is my soul is given away at all different directions, that captivates my attention long enough to conceive a desire. When I come before God and pledge my allegiance to Him, to bless His name, something is missing. My soul is disintegrated. My heart is divided. There are different desires that pull my heart in different directions. My verbal commitments to God does not go deep. There is no integrity in my soul and commitments to God and desires for godliness are not backed up with a heart of integrity. I am unstable, and I cannot do what I want to do. I am double minded. That is the problem if my soul gets stuck at different desires that is outside of God’s will for me or a soul that is not content with God.
So here it is;
Doctoral Degree- <Soul Stuck>
Filthy Rich bank balance-
Figure of an Air Brushed Model-
Reputation as a Successful “So and So”-
Never failing Christian- ,
Super Mom- , , ( Gee, I know that needs some serious scrubbing to come off!)
I am Calling My Soul Back
Last Sunday I was very encouraged by the call to worship in the beginning of the service. Even before I stepped into the church, this call was strong in my heart. The Holy Spirit was nudging my spirit to pray for integrity of soul and an undivided heart to worship God. Psalm 103 is a call for the soul to gather itself to bless the Lord.
Why gather the soul? Because they are sticky like those canvas shoes in monsoon. They wander away from time to time and gets stuck to every conceived agendas in our mind. To some it is appreciation, to some, approval of the world, to some it is quest for power, to some it is lust. Whatever our sticky souls get stuck to, they are agents that eclipses the glory of God.
Bless the Lord, O My soul,
And all that is within me (my runaway desires), bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits.”
May we call our souls to come from all different places it has been stuck. May we stick our souls on the Rock and not on the muddy pit that drags us down. Psalm 40:2
May we conceive in our minds a greater vision of glorifying God. May we bless His name with integrity of soul and an undivided heart. May our souls get stuck at appreciating the beauty of the Savior and the benefits He has done for us. May our souls long over and over for His righteousness, the compassion of the Lord and His mercies (Psalm 103: 6-14). May our souls mull over at the brevity of our lives and at His everlasting covenant and throne (Psalm 103: 15-19). May our souls bless Him with the angelic hosts and all who do his bidding (Psalm 103: 20-22).
May we bless Him with integrity of soul an undivided heart, and with all that is within us!
Bless the Lord, all you work of His,
In all places of His dominion;
Bless the Lord, O my soul!